Why people who work with our competitors are right…
Wait! Can we pause and try to bottle up the emotions that we feel right now after reading that first line? Can we pause and really try to drill down deep and attempt to put our emotions into words after being reminded that someone didn’t choose our product, services, or us? Then as though that isn’t ridiculously painful enough, can we let the reality that “they are right” force even deeper emotions to surface?
Seth Godin says “People never make bad decisions. Not in their eyes, not when they’re making them.” Their decision to work with a competitor is right for them right now! This isn’t to say that you should give up but this is to say that you must ask the right questions to get to the bottom of the reason that makes it right for them. They most likely don’t oppose your service, your product, or you but just haven’t felt the same connection thus far that they felt at some point with your competitor. You can get there but it has to start with a genuine desire to connect, contribute, and empathize.
The person or group that came to mind and made the right decision to work with your competitor was influenced by something, right? Are they influenced by their peers, who may be unknowingly altering their rational decision making process? Do they feel the need to conform? Maybe past experiences, their priorities, their beliefs, the opinions of those around them, and most likely their own internal story that they tell themselves about themselves are at play.
What is interesting is that the feelings that we initially felt about that person are probably as heartfelt and deep as those that initially influenced and impacted their choice to use a competitor. All of our past experiences with this person including but not limited to the time, energy, money, thoughts, conversations, and overall contribution that we invested into the relationship come to mind immediately. These may be costs that have already been incurred and cannot be recovered but unlike other rationally influenced situations, this one hits home emotionally because it involved people.
If you’re still residually frustrated with the first line up top then you need to hear this again. The feelings of personal stories, emotions, priorities, and experience bubble to the surface for us in this moment similar to those that floated to the surface for the person who made the decision to choose the competitor instead of us. In our most rational and objective moment, we can’t seem to figure out why it’s right. Here in lies the shift…even though decision-making should be rational and objective, there is an irrational side to all of us. We know that emotional responses play a role in decision-making but when the decisions are made against us then we want to discount these emotions and respond irrationally with rational arguments of why this can’t be fair or right. Ironic how we use one to fight the other huh?
Decisions are made by way of past experiences that form our beliefs, and these beliefs can even trump the quality of the service or product we sell. Your company’s features and benefits are important but not the primary motivator for most people. This is where the famous author, Seth Godin, would shout “We are all irrational! Only once we can accept that fact, can we move on to the next step which is, therefore we all are also rational. We’re just measuring the wrong stuff. If you believed what they believed, you would do what they are doing.”
Simon Sinek says “people don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it. And what you do simply proves what you believe.” The features and benefits are just a solid bonus to what we believe.
What could happen if we were more empathetic to emotional responses during our sales calls?
Sinek also points out that “the goal is not to do business with everybody who needs what you have. The goal is to do business with people who believe what you believe.” This changes most of our framework altogether right?
What could happen if we intentionally nurtured curious conversations regarding someone else’s perspectives, worldview, and beliefs? Trying to understand, listen, and encourage engagement through our own personal vulnerability elicits an empathic bond. Discovering the heartbeat of other people’s lives may help increase our enjoyment of our mutual interaction with people while also adding the bonus of identifying their true motivators vocationally.
If people are committed to their decision to work with one company, even if it’s a competitor, we may want to respect that decision for the time being. If we keep a pulse on the heartbeat of this person and are genuinely empathetic when it skips a beat then their decisions may start to change over time and we’ll be glad that they are loyal and irrational. These are the types of relationships, propelled by authenticity and empathy, which stand the test of time.
They are right if they work with us and if they don’t work with us. Be free to let yourself and your prospective clients/customers embrace empathetic irrationality!
